A man who allegedly stole nacho cheese from a University Village 7-Eleven found himself in jail Sunday, according to the Chicago Sun Times.
Michael Richards, 50, bought a bag of potato chips from the store in the 1300 block of South Halsted, then illegally doused the chips in nacho cheese, Assistant Cook County State’s Attorney Dan Piwowarczyk said.
When the store clerk told him the nacho cheese was only for customers who paid for it to use on corn chips in a traditional plastic tray, Richards pulled the clerk’s arm behind her back, twisted it and threatened the clerk, according to a police report. Police arrested Richards a block away Saturday, the report shows.
When Judge James Brown asked, “So what was stolen was the cheese?,” Piwowarczyk kept an admirably straight face as he replied, “The defendant was informed that it was not yo’ cheese.”
Richards, of the 9400 block of South Burnside, was ordered held on bail of $10,000.
“That’s a very low bond, for a robbery,” the judge told him.
I wish I could say this “news” report is a joke but it is not. Callers on a Chicago radio station Monday were calling-in in droves stating that the 7-Eleven in question actually had a sign by the cheese stating ” free cheese.” Some in-the-know 7-Eleven frequent visitors say this particular store does keep close watch on their cheese and breathes down your neck as you are pumping that cheese on your corn chips. I suppose this alleged cheese stealing guy may have been a little aggressive in his quest for the squirt-able, processed non-cheese product but imagine the food fight that could have erupted if he had not twisted the clerks arm but just squirted her with the yellow slop. And what would that have been? Battery with cheese?
So I’m suggesting to 7-Eleven that since their cheese stands alone allowing virtually anyone to walk up and pump a squirt or two they really need to enlist the aid of a “cheese watcher” so the clerks can spend more time on their customer service skills. Also, they need to make people aware that their particular store policy is “The customer is definitely not always right” and finally they need to make a big sign and put it by that ridiculous faux-cheese that states “That’s Na-cho Cheese” and maybe some of us dummies will get the picture.