Bank of America won’t let me go!

How is it that Bank of America, a “Too big to fail bank” can fail miserably at even the simple things in life?  Like, closing a checking account. We all know too well that they do a great job of failing at the big things. like helping to put the economy in the gutter but the process of closing an account at the request of a customer, is evidently beyond the scope of what they can handle.

I have it figured out that by marching myself in person into the bank back in April, must have thrown them for a loop. It wasn’t enough red tape for them. I walked in, said I wanted to close my account and take whatever meager funds I had left in the account. They said okay, I signed something, they gave me the money and I walked out. I figured that in essence, should have been the end of it.

But, of course it wasn’t. I keep getting statements from a supposedly closed account that says I owe them money for “fees”. Fees that are a monthly charge for a “closed” account that now have me in the red. And yes, I’m seeing red.  As near as I can figure, for every month since I have closed my account and pulled my money down to zero, they have been assessing me fees for not having enough money in my closed account to cover their fees.

No, I am not joking on this. Dead people vote in Chicago and closed accounts ring-up big bucks in fees for Bank of America.  So, I did the sensible thing and e-mailed them a zillion times about the error of their ways. I kept getting those robotic e-mail messages back that lead you to believe; Nobody is home there!  My last e-mail was not pleasant, stating something about being to big to fail and too stupid to close an account…

I can’t e-mail them anymore because I know my comments will probably be in violation of some kind of banking FCC rules for common decency and decorum in e-mail correspondence and they will probably get to add more fees on to my closed account.

I finally got an e-mail from possibly a real person at  Bank of America that stated this problem really couldn’t be handled online and that I would have to go into my nearest Bank of America IN PERSON and discuss the matter with a personal banker.  This will happen when the proverbial hell freezes over!


1 Comment

Filed under current news, satire

One response to “Bank of America won’t let me go!

  1. I have more money in my savings account at BofA than i have ever had in my entire life and i fear i will not be able to extract those funds when the time comes. Plus, I have been told by banking officials that I have a limit of 5 thousand dollars a day on my account. So I can’t buy a car and a motorcycle with my debit card in the same day. It is nonsense.


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